Home > Adab (Manners), Enjoy Your Life, Muslimah, The Etiquettes of Marriage And Wedding, What You Should Do In The Following Situations? > “O my daughter……” – A mother giving advise to her daughter on her wedding day

“O my daughter……” – A mother giving advise to her daughter on her wedding day


‘Abd al-Malik said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

  • ‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.


  • ‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.



  • ‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

Advise to a daughter by a mother
‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.

The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.


‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.


‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.


‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.


‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.


‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) choose what is best for you and protect you.’”


[Jamharah khutab al-‘arab, 1/145]

Related Link:

® 10 Things To Hand Down To Your Daughter


  1. January 10, 2014 at 12:35 pm

    Sorry…dont send anything relates to marriage to me, JazakaALLAH… When death nearby, does a girl should think about the temporary meanwhile her meeting with her lord (ALLAH) will be the best thing to happen…..whatever that have in this dunya just cheating..once our death body washed, placed in kafan cloth, bring to graveyard, that is the ultimate till day of judgment…….not only for brthr…ummuka, ummuka, ummuka….ur mum,ur mum, ur mum…………but for girls too…..till she meets her lord……………..in the eye of human might girl have diffts but in the eye of my lord (ALLAH), girls have equal opportunity to attain the pleasure of ALLAH………. A girl think about future husband such nsuch BUT does that husband can sure she meet her lord in the manner ALLAH please with her???? NO…..The girls should focus on how does I please my lord not humans………..However the condition difft for married women where brthr post is relevant………It is not applicable to all girls coz Only ALLAH understand & know them the best not frm human eyes that judge them with skepticism n full of questioning while ALLAH understands the essence….Anyhow jazakaALLAH & May ALLAH bless brthr for this good post for sisters who had married BUT my advice if you have daughter, dont train her to be wife only BUT instead train her to be syuhada too coz who knows the choosen women akhir zaman is the warrior of ALLAH…..nothing impossible for ALLAH.


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