Home > Adab (Manners), Enjoy Your Life, Muslimah, The Etiquettes of Marriage And Wedding, What You Should Do In The Following Situations? > Understanding the spouse’s psychological frame of mind- The story of Qadi Shuraih

Understanding the spouse’s psychological frame of mind- The story of Qadi Shuraih


This is necessary for the compatibility and longevity of marriage. But despite this, many couples do not bother to give this issue any attention. This involves the likes and dislikes of each other and what pleases and displeases each other. Also, this is something which is not understood by merely asking the spouse, bu also by observation and insight.


The best example to illustrate this point is the story of Qadi Shuraih who says:

“I married a man from the tribe of Tamim. On the first night I made ablution and offered prayers. She joined in. When I finished, I asked Allah to make her a means of blessings, to grant me pleasure from her good qualities, and to protect me from her bad. Then I praised Allah. She said: ‘I am a stranger for you. Whatever pleases you I will oblige and whatever displeases you I will avoid.’ So I told her what I liked and disliked. She asked: ‘Would like my family to visit me?’ I told her that since I was a Judge, i would bore them. Then she asked me which neighbors I preferred, so I informed her.”


“I lived with this women in happiness and bliss for a whole year. Then, an old women came to the house who was ordering my wife around. On enquiring,  I found  out that she was my mother-in-law who immediately asked me: ‘How are you with your wife?’ I said that she is the best wife I could have. The mother said: ‘There is no worse person than the one who is spoiled. If she puts you in any kind of doubt then hit her.”


The mother would then come every year to our house and give advice to her daughter. I lived with my wife for twenty years and only once was I angry at her. And that too was my mistake.”


[This story is mentioned in Al-Iqdul Farid]




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