Archive for the ‘The Etiquettes of Marriage And Wedding’ Category

Segregate men and women during family visits

July 6, 2015 Leave a comment


People are naturally gregarious and sociable; they need friends, and friendships entail visiting one another.


When there are visits between families, we should block the path of evil by preventing Ikhtilaat (inter-mixing between men and women). One of the indications that such inter-mixing is Haraam is the Qur’aanic verse (which means):

{And when you ask them (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen; that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts.}

[Qur’an 33:53]

Segregation of sexes

If we were to look for the evil results of inter-mixing during family visits, we would find many objectionable consequences, such as:

♦ In most cases the Hijab (Islamic attire) of women in these mixed gatherings is non-existent or improper, so a woman may display her beauty before someone in front of whom it is not permissible for her to uncover herself. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):

{And tell the believing women not to reveal their adornment.} [Qur’an 24:31].

It may be that a woman adorns herself for strangers in a mixed gathering in a way that she never does for her own husband.


♦ When men see women in one gathering, this is a cause of corruption in the religion and morals, and provokes desires in a forbidden manner.


♦ In a mixed gathering, the husband and wife may argue with or ignore one another in an alarming fashion. A man might look or wink at another’s wife, or he may laugh and joke with her, and she with him. After the couple returns home, the settling of scores would begin. The man might inquire: “Why did you laugh at what so-and-so. said, when he did not say anything funny?” The woman would counter: “And why did you wink at so-and-so?” The man would retort: “When he spoke, you understood him quickly, but you do not understand what I say at all!” Thus they would trade accusations and the matter could end in enmity and even divorce


Some men and women may regret their luck in marriage, when a man compares his wife to his friend’s wife, or a woman compares her husband to her friend’s husband. A man may say to himself: “So-and-so talks well and answers questions; she is well-educated and my wife is ignorant; she has no education” and a woman may say to herself: “So-and-so is so lucky! Her husband is smart and eloquent, and my husband is so boring and speaks without thinking!” This spoils the marital relationship or leads to bad treatment


Some people may show off to one another in mixed gatherings, by pretending to have what that they do not really possess. So a man may issue instructions to his wife in front of other men and pretend that he has a strong personality, but when he is alone with her at home he is as tame as a house cat. A woman may borrow gold and wear it so that the other people see that she has such and such. However, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:

“The one who shows off with something that does not belong to him is like one who wears a garment of falsehood.” (Reported by Al-Bukhaari, Fat-h Al-Baari, 9/317)


♦ Late-night mixed gatherings result in wasting time, sins of the tongue, and leaving small children at home alone (so that they do not disturb their parents’ evening with their cries!)


♦ Late-night mixed gatherings could develop to the extent of involving many kinds of major sins, such as drinking and gambling, especially among the so-called “upper classes”. One of the major sins that occur during these gatherings is mimicking the Kuffar (disbelievers) and imitating them in fashion trends and various customs. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:

“Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”

(Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 2/50; Saheeh al-Jaami?, 2828, 6025)


[Dangers in the home, by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid, page 8-11]



Understanding the spouse’s psychological frame of mind- The story of Qadi Shuraih

June 16, 2014 Leave a comment


This is necessary for the compatibility and longevity of marriage. But despite this, many couples do not bother to give this issue any attention. This involves the likes and dislikes of each other and what pleases and displeases each other. Also, this is something which is not understood by merely asking the spouse, bu also by observation and insight.


The best example to illustrate this point is the story of Qadi Shuraih who says:

“I married a man from the tribe of Tamim. On the first night I made ablution and offered prayers. She joined in. When I finished, I asked Allah to make her a means of blessings, to grant me pleasure from her good qualities, and to protect me from her bad. Then I praised Allah. She said: ‘I am a stranger for you. Whatever pleases you I will oblige and whatever displeases you I will avoid.’ So I told her what I liked and disliked. She asked: ‘Would like my family to visit me?’ I told her that since I was a Judge, i would bore them. Then she asked me which neighbors I preferred, so I informed her.”


“I lived with this women in happiness and bliss for a whole year. Then, an old women came to the house who was ordering my wife around. On enquiring,  I found  out that she was my mother-in-law who immediately asked me: ‘How are you with your wife?’ I said that she is the best wife I could have. The mother said: ‘There is no worse person than the one who is spoiled. If she puts you in any kind of doubt then hit her.”


The mother would then come every year to our house and give advice to her daughter. I lived with my wife for twenty years and only once was I angry at her. And that too was my mistake.”


[This story is mentioned in Al-Iqdul Farid]




“O my daughter……” – A mother giving advise to her daughter on her wedding day

January 10, 2014 Leave a comment


‘Abd al-Malik said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:

  • ‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.


  • ‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.



  • ‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

Advise to a daughter by a mother
‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you.

The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.


‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.


‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.


‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.


‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.


‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) choose what is best for you and protect you.’”


[Jamharah khutab al-‘arab, 1/145]

Related Link:

® 10 Things To Hand Down To Your Daughter


Exchanging photographs (for the purpose of marriage) via the internet By Ibn Uthaymeen(Rahimahullah)

December 11, 2012 Leave a comment


Question: Is it permissible for a woman to send a photograph of herself via the internet to a man looking to get married, but who lives far away, so he can see her (what she looks like) and decide whether he wishes to marry her or not?


Response: I am not of this opinion.


Firstly: Since it is possible that someone other than the person intended could see the photograph;



Secondly: Because the photograph does not portray the complete truth (reality). So how many photographs has a person seen, and when he sees the one photographed, finds him completely different (in appearance);



Thirdly: It is possible this photograph may remain with this man, even after he excuses himself from proposing to her, however, it remains with him and he may cause mischief with it, and Allaah is the Most Knowledgeable.


Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen

Fataawa Mu’aasarah – Page 77

al-Mowsoo’ah – 2027

Published: 6 October 2005

Ruling on the bridegroom wearing a garland of flowers on the occasion of his wedding

August 25, 2012 Leave a comment

What is the ruling of wearing a garland of flowers on occasions such as marriage or ‘aqeeqahs? Because this custom is widespread here in India and Pakistan. Is this action bid‘ah (innovation)?
The garland is a long string on which there are roses and flowers that is worn around the neck.





Praise be to Allaah.



The Muslims have acquired from the kuffaar the practice of giving flowers to the sick and putting garlands of flowers on the graves of their deceased. Both actions are reprehensible, on the one hand because these bad customs have been taken from the kuffaar, and on the other hand because they are a waste of money. What benefit is there in roses and flowers for which money should be spent on them and which will fade after a short while when no one, living or dead, benefits from them?



Some researchers have stated that wearing a garland of flowers is a custom that was originally taken from the Christians, and is something that they do in their church. A study has been undertaken on this topic.


The crown of flowers: 

Wearing a crown or a garland of flowers: the origin of this custom is what was done in the church. It says in their books: after the blessing and after the newly married couple prepared to leave the church, it was customary to adorn them with a crown or garland of flowers, as a symbol of victory and of their chastity. 

End quote from Ta’ammulaat wa Waqafaat ma‘a ba‘di Mazaahir al-‘Ars by Dr. Faatimah bint Muhammad Aal Jaar-Allah, with Forewords by Shaykh ‘Abd-Allah ibn Jibreen (may Allah have mercy on him) and Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Mahmoud (may Allah preserve him).

What we have mentioned is no different from the ruling on wearing a garland of flowers on the occasion of marriage or for the ‘aqeeqah or on other occasions.

It should be noted that the issue of customs varies from one country to another and one place to another. If the matter in your country is as mentioned here, namely that this custom was originally taken from the kuffaar, whether Christians or others, or it is a custom that is only for the kuffaar in your country, or for a group of them, such as the Hindus, as they are known for having this custom, or from some other group, if that is the case it is haraam to do this action, which is one of the actions of the kuffaar that is unique to them or was taken from some of their religious traditions or is done in imitation of the kuffaar, in one way or another, and is something that is unique to them.

And Allah knows best.


Taken from:Islam-qa

The Prohibition of Sodomy

August 20, 2012 Leave a comment

From:: The Etiquettes of Marriage And Wedding

Author::  Sheikh Muhammed Nasirudeen al-Albanee (Rahimahullah)



“Your wives are as a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth when or
how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223]


It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus. This is understood from the verse quoted above (i.e. since a “planting ground” can only refer to a place where something might grow), and from the narrations cited above. There are also other hadith on the subject, among them:


First: On the authority of Umm Salama who said: “When the Muhajireen came to Ansaar at al-Madeenah, some of them married women from the Ansaar. The women of the Muhajireen used to lie on their faces (during intercourse), while the women of the Ansaar never did it that way. Then, one of the men of the Muhajireen wanted his wife to do that. She refused until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went to the Prophet but was embarassed to ask the question, adn so Umm Salama asked him. Then the verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet said: “No! (not any way you wish) Except in one opening! (ie. the vagina)”. [Ahmad, at-Tirmidhee and others : Saheeh]



Second: On the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas who said: “‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab came to the Prophet and said : ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed!’ The Prophet asked: ‘And what has destroyed you, O ‘Umar?’ ‘Umar said: `I turned my mount around last night.’ (An expression which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: “From the front and from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses”. [an- Nasaa’ee in “`Ishratun-Nisaa” with hasan isnaad, at-Tirmidhee and others].



Third: On the authority of Khuzaima ibn Thaabit who said: “A man asked the Prophet about entering women in the rear, or the entering by a man of his wife in her rear, and the Prohet answered: `Halaal (ie. permissible).’ When the man turned to leave, the Prophet
called him or ordered for him to be called back and said : “What did you say? In which of the 2 openings did you mean? If what you meant was from her rear and in her vagina, then yes. But if what you meant was from her rear and in her anus, then no. Verily Allaah is not ashamed of the truth – do not enter your wives in their anuses!” [as-Shaafi, al -Baihaqi and others: Saheeh]



Fourth: “Allaah does not look at one who comes to his wife in her anus”. [an-Nasaa’ee: Hasan isnaad and supported in “al-‘Ishrah”; at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Hibbaan].



Fifth: “Cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses.” [Aboo Dawood, Ahmad and others with hasan isnaad and is supported].

Abortion not a personal choice but a heinous crime

August 19, 2012 Leave a comment



I heard the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) as saying:

Do not kill your children secretly, for the milk, with which a child is suckled while his mother is pregnant, overtakes the horseman and throws him from his horse.

Abu Dawood 3872, Narrated Asma’, daughter of Yazid ibn as-Sakan



Western civilization has conceded that the women has a right to do with her body as she pleases. Consequently, if she becomes pregnant, she can abort the fetus even if her husband or boyfriend objects. The consequence is that over 1,300,000* babies are aborted each year in the United States alone.



  • The Islamic point of view is that the developing child is a distinct and different entity from the Mother. Scientifically speaking, even her blood does not mixes with that of the child. Food is passed across the membranes. She is merely a receptacle of Life. The taking of Life is forbidden unless for a Just cause. Even hunting for sport is forbidden in Islam.


  • Although the fetus is considered Human after the beginning of the fifth month when the Angel blows in the Spirit, abortion prior to the 5th month is still taking a life without a Just cause. If the pregnancy threatens the life of the Mother, the fetus may be aborted. Some scholars also hold that in case of Rape where the delivery of child will threaten the mental status of the women, abortion at this stage is also permitted.


  • After the 5th month, abortion becomes murder. A crime punishable by Death in Islamic law. The west stresses “Human rights” as an International principle. However, it ignores the Right to life of the Tens of Millions of human fetuses aborted annually. Human Rights in Islam begins from conception.


  • Abortion means “expulsion of a human fetus before it has reached proper gestation needed for survival.” An abortion can occur on its own, and this is known as a miscarriage. An abortion that is deliberate or due to harm inflicted on the woman’s womb, is prohibited in Islam.



  • An unborn fetus is as valuable as a child. Proof is in the fact that blood money is to be paid in the event of the death of either.

    Hadith – Abu Dawood 4555, Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab, r.a.

    Ibn Abbas said: Umar asked about the decision of the Prophet (peace be upon him) about that (i.e. abortion) Haml ibn Malik ibn an-Nabighah got up and said: I was between two women. One of them struck another with a rolling-pin killing both her and what was in her womb. So the Apostle of Allah (peace be upon him) gave judgment that the blood-wit for the unborn child should be a male or a female slave of the best quality and that she should be killed.




* According to 1997 figure of AGI (Allen Guttmacher institute).


Adapted from book:Contemporary Issues

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